How many funny Williamses are there?

Apparently, a lot.  I collected them and gently tricked them into performing all together for one night only.  They are all amazingly funny and I’m so psyched to be the one bringing them together.  This show is my gift to humanity.

So please come check it out!

The Williamses Show:

A Williams-based comedy show starring only the best Williamses NYC has to offer:

Elaine Williams
Justin Williams
Kath Williams
Kevin J. Williams
Neruda Williams
Chao Williams

Tuesday, February 2nd
9pm
The Richmond Shepard Theater
309 East 26th Street (off 2nd Ave.)
$9, no drink min.

Click here for the Facebook event.

Also, check out my super cool flier with fancy purple stars and drop shadows and everything.  Who says PowerPoint 2007 has nothing to offer?

See you there, friends!

As if being on vacation isn’t enough…

Ya gotta play some cruise ship bingo!

I like to keep myself entertained.  Sometimes, a fun thing to do is to make a list of things one might expect to see at a place or event and then lay them out in the form of a bingo game and try to “win.”  For example, when going to an Autumn craft fair in New Hampshire, my brother, boyfriend and I played a round of “Autumn Craft Fair in New Hampshire Bingo” that included spotting things like: a crying baby, an ugly dish with a likeness of Santa on it, overpriced handmade soap, and something made out of a corn husk.  We had great success and it made a boring ol’ craft fair seem like a fun little scavenger hunt.  Keeps it interesting, dig?

So, without further ado, here is my bingo card for the cruise upon which I am about to embark.  Some are easier than others but this should keep me entertained.  If I have a camera, I will try to take photo-proof.  Otherwise, you’ll just have to trust me.  Wish me luck!

My cruise ship bingo card:

I gots the FoMO.

I was recently introduced to a concept that resonated with me.  It’s called FoMO.  (Not to be confused with “mofo” which is short for “motherfucker.”)  No, my new favorite concept is FoMO which stands for “Fear of Missing Out.”  In a sentence: “I was exhausted but I had some serious FoMO so I forced myself to go out anyway.”  It’s when you’re sitting around and there’s a party/event/gig that you’re not sure if you want to attend but then you realize that your fear is that if you don’t go, you will miss something.  Nothing is worse than leaving a party and having your friends tell you the next day that you missed this amazing wild thing that happened right after you left.  But you don’t want to be the loser who refuses to leave a party either.  I’ve tried perfecting the art of leaving a party once I’ve determined that nothing else interesting will happen.

When I was little, my mother had a hard time convincing me to go to bed.  Not because I was difficult, but because I was sure that after I went to sleep, all the interesting things would happen.  Adult things, secret things.  The worst was when mom was having friends over and I’d have to go to bed early.  I’d lay in bed and listen to the waves of grown-up laughter downstairs.  It infuriated me that adults could laugh so hard and not even think of including me.  I think this early-development FoMO is what made me want to make people laugh.  Oh, to be on the inside track of what makes the grown-ups downstairs laugh.

In college, I had a job in a bakery.  The job required me to be present and on my game at 5:00am.  That’s an ungodly hour for anyone, let alone a college student, to have to fake being awake.  It was FoMO that kept me at parties until 4:00 where I would reluctantly excuse myself to go home, shower, change and go off to work.  FoMO prevented me from sleeping for months at a time.  And, in FoMO’s defense, it was all worth it.  It’s the wacky adventures that makes people long for their college days.  (Certainly not the exams and papers.)

And now, I have FoMO for comedy gigs manifested in the fear that if I don’t get out and do comedy every night, I will miss something.  Some key element that will help propel my comedy career to the top — finally wording a new joke perfectly, a fateful meeting with a soon-to-be famous producer, bombing or killing so extremely that I really learn something — I don’t want to miss any of that.  I did a gig last Saturday that ended at 7pm.  Afterward, all the comics were talking about which gig they were off to next.  I already had non-comedy-related plans with friends that I was looking forward to, but damn, did I feel the FoMO for all the gigs was wasn’t doing Saturday night.

Life is nothing if not a balancing act.  Lately for me, the balance seems to have four rings:  Comedy, things-I-do-to-pay-rent, socializing and sleep.  I’m assuming that some of these  will converge in the future.  (Can’t I make money doing comedy with my friends in my sleep?  Let’s get on that!)  Often, when I’m doing one, I have FoMO for another, which I know is a terrible and very un-Zen thing to say.  And sleep is the first to go since I can’t really miss anything (except sanity) while sleep.  Ah, FoMO, the best new acronym for disquiet that regulates my life.

Ah, New Year’s. ‘Tis truly a delicious holiday.

My general modus operandi on New Year’s is to go to a drunken party. This year was no exception and to really drive the point home, I attended three parties over the course of the night. Even with the inevitable hangover, New Year’s is one of my favorite holidays. I think my top four rank as follows:

1) Carrie Gravenson’s birthday
2) New Year’s
3) Halloween
4) Flag day

One day, I will make a holiday matrix that explains the pros and cons of each holiday. To me, New Year’s has far more pros than any other. I will explain these pros now:

1) New Year’s isn’t a gift giving holiday. There’s no pressure to give the right thing or to politely fake being psyched about something ugly, stupid or useless. Or to regift something and wonder if the trail will ever lead back to the original giver.

2) In the same vein, you don’t have to send a card. New Year’s greetings get grouped in with Christmas greetings. Awesome. It’s better for the environment.

3) There’s no obligation to hang out with family on New Year’s. Christmas, Easter, Passover, Hanukkah, Father’s Day, Mother’s Day and many of the barbecue-themed holidays revolve around getting together with family. Family time is reserved for weddings, funerals, milestone birthdays and anniversaries. Isn’t that enough? Do I have to waste my precious vacation days by spending them with my family too? C’mon.

4) It’s one of the few holidays that promotes mayhem and partying. St. Patrick’s Day is another and if you’re of a certain age, Halloween. I guess Easter is supposed to be a big drinking holiday because it marks the end of Lent but I’m not counting that because Jesus died on the cross for your sins and that’s a bad reason to get drunk. New Year’s is purer, though, because you don’t have to pretend to be Irish, Pagan or Christian to celebrate. It includes everyone. (Yes, Jewish and Chinese people have “different” New Year’s, but they can still celebrate because this is the modern calendar year we are talking about, not some hocus-pocus cultural malarkey. (I hope I offended someone.))

5) New Year’s festivities don’t revolve around heaps of food. There’s no fattening meat-based planned sit-down menu for New Year’s like on Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter or even the Memorial, Independence, and Labor Days barbecue motifs. Eat what you want. Have a salad, save room for booze.

6) New Year’s is about self-evaluation and renewal. I like those things. I think it’s important to reassess your life and see if there are ways you can improve yourself. It’s a chance to be a better person. A clean slate. Resolutions are about being the best person you can possibly be. Can’t say that about Columbus Day.

7) New Year’s also means the end of the long holiday season. Officially. No one has to worry about what gifts to get people and where to be for the holidays and all of that money spent. All that stress is finally over.

8 ) Auld Lang Syne. Best song ever. No one knows the words to that damn song so they just sing the first line or two and then drift off into incoherent babbling while remaining vaguely faithful to the tune. Last night, we didn’t even try to sing any words. Babbling from start to finish. Always good times.

9) Glitter on my face! And no one says anything. It’s like a little party right on my eyelids! When else can you do that?

10) Since the party part of the holiday is the night before the holiday itself, you have a whole day to recover. Thus, it has a Saturday night feel rather than the Sunday night feel of most other holidays.

At drug stores, Valentine’s Day crap is already up and Christmas crap is in cardboard bins for 50% off. (If you love Christmas, don’t worry, it will be back in four months.)

Happy New Year’s everyone!