Archive for March, 2010

The baby.

You think about it. You plan it. You talk about it with those closest to you. The pros, the cons, the fears, the hopes, and the expectations. Most friends encourage you. Some friends discourage you. You judge people who’ve done it before. You think about how you’d do it differently, better. You take notes on that they did right and wrong. You get advice from people you trust and even some advice from random strangers on the internet. Finally, you decide to do it and you want to tell the world: You’re becoming a vegetarian! No, wait: You’re having a baby! No, wait: You’re producing your own comedy show! THAT’S what I’m doing. (Those first two things are for nut-bags.*)

That’s right. The time has come. I’m producing my own monthly show. My goal is to create the kind of comedy show that I’d want to go see. I want it to be cheap for the patrons, relaxed for the comics, and fun for everyone. And, most importantly in a comedy show, I’m booking comics that I think are funny and want to see more of. I’m selfish that way, I guess. I gave a lot of thought to the venue and I think I found the perfect place. Stone Creek is a awesome bar/restaurant with a great back room and surprisingly good food.

Each month will have a theme topic to get the ball rolling. April’s theme is terrible advice. Giving it or getting it or the results of either. I can’t wait to hear the cringe-worthy stories. My show is at 7pm so you can have dinner while you watch the show and the food counts as the drink minimum. It’s really the perfect show and I’m so excited that I birthed it myself. Won’t you come out and have a drink and a laugh with us?  It’s a christening!

Disruptive Influence Comedy Show
Thursday, April 8, 2010
7:00pm – 8:30pm
Stone Creek
140 E. 27th St. (Off Lex.)
FREE SHOW! 2 drink minimum; food is a drink

Hope to see you there. Bring a few friends!

*PS: Just kidding about people having babies and being vegetarians being nut-bags.  If it’s one class of people you don’t fuck with, it’s vegetarian parents.  Talk about pent up rage.  Yikes.

Come to my show!

March 25, 2010 at 9:01 pm 1 comment

Simpsons plots not yet used.

I say nuts to those who say the Simpsons have run out of plots.   Ideas are all around us.  Here are 20 completely original plot ideas I just thought of off the top of my head:

  1. Lisa and Bart fall in love and Lisa gets knocked up and decides to have it.  Is Bart a father or an uncle?
  2. Marge gets bladder cancer and can’t help but pee everywhere.  Comedy ensues as she buys adult diapers for herself at the same time that she gets baby diapers for Maggie.  Will she learn to cope?
  3. Principal Skinner bans pencils and pens in school after Martin, while defending Bart, stabs Kearney in the neck with a pencil, paralyzing him from the neck down.  Can the school afford laptop computers for every student?
  4. Bart accidentally kills Maggie in a trashcan fire and replaces her with another baby that he stole from a homeless shelter.  How long until the family notices Maggie is Hispanic?
  5. Krusty the Clown finds out Marge is his real mother and moves in only to regress to infancy.  Will Marge be able to wean him off the nipple?
  6. Comic book store guy has complications from gastric bypass surgery and learns that true beauty is on the inside.  Will the comic book store suffer?
  7. Bart meets a wacky scientist who sends him back in time where he meets a young Marge and has to get her to fall in love with a young Homer, lest Bart never be born.
  8. Thelma and Patti gun down Mayor Quimby when he won’t legalize gay marriage in Springfield.  They hide in a cave and become very pale.
  9. Homer loses his job and to help make ends meet, Bart starts giving blow-jobs to patrons of Moe’s Tavern through a glory hole in the bathroom.  Comedy ensues when Homer becomes his best customer.  Does Bart know it’s him?
  10. Groundskeeper Willie violently rapes Mrs. Krabappel at a school dance.  Was she asking for it?  The viewer decides!
  11. A mysterious new illegal drug sweeps Springfield making everyone really sleepy.  Was the drug introduced by the new local coffee shop?  Or will people be too sleepy to uncover the mystery?
  12. On a dare, Marge kills a weird loner, skins him and wears his skin to her bookclub the next day.
  13. Lisa gets athletes foot.
  14. In a crazy mix-up, Apu has to host Saturday Night Live at the last minute with no rehearsals at all.  Can he pull it off or will he kill the show forever?
  15. In a highly publicized medical case, Maggie’s anus starts producing office supplies.  Will doctors figure out how it’s happening or will the family count their blessing in free paperclips?
  16. Turns out, Ned Flanders is a pedophile.  Rod and Todd (and maybe some viewers) have known for years but how exactly do Bart and Lisa find out?
  17. The affirmative action episode!  Dr. Hibbert only got his doctor job because he’s black.  Does that make him a bad doctor?
  18. Disco Stu shamefully develops a taste for human flesh but keeps it a secret from his latest girlfriend.  Will she love him enough get him the help he needs?
  19. Homer finds the perfect cantaloupe at the supermarket only to find out it’s a giant tumor.  Will it still be delicious?
  20. Milhouse learns to mix methamphetamines from Sudafed to make extra money so he can buy Lisa a Christmas gift.  But will he get hooked and lose his teeth?

To the writers of The Simpsons: you’re welcome!

March 15, 2010 at 3:14 pm 3 comments

Know thyself.

When I get ready for show, I “do my eyes” which involves putting in my contact lenses and applying on mascara.  (I know, I’m a real girly-girl.)  I was in an office restroom completing this task, my mind on my jokes, when I fell into a rhythm.  My rhythm went as follows:

1) Wash hands.
2) Dry hands.
3) Throw paper towels into garbage.

1) Open contacts.
2) Insert contacts.
3) Throw foil contact packages into garbage.

1) Open mascara.
2) Apply mascara.
3) Throw mascara into garbage.

Oh no!  I just threw my mascara into the garbage!  I’m so dumb!  And it’s office bathroom garbage filled with disgusting office-lady God-knows-what.  Here’s my head:  NOT “Do I want to reach in and retrieve my mascara?”  It was more like, “Am I the kind of person who would reach into a gross garbage can to retrieve a mascara?”  I chose this moment to reflect on myself as a person, not my immediate desires.  What does contemplating this action say about me?  Will I be able to live with myself knowing that I am the kind of person who has to go digging around in the garbage for a used mascara?  What is this task worth to me and my ego?  (Details that might sway your answer to one side: The mascara is readily available in drugstores nationwide, retails for $8, and is about a month old.)  Money isn’t as tight as it once was.  I could easily replace this mascara.  But if it was $8 in an envelope a the bottom of this garbage can, would I go in for it?  Is that who I am?  The answer: Yes, I am the kind of person who would go digging around in office bathroom garbage to retrieve an $8 drugstore mascara.  That’s me.

Additionally: since it’s office restroom garbage, the can was locked in a slick stainless steel casing, so that means I’m ALSO the kind of girl who will pick a lock and pry open a metal garbage door to fetch an $8 drugstore mascara.  It’s good to have my mascara back but it’s even better to know who I really am.

March 2, 2010 at 11:26 am 2 comments

Come see me!

Next shows:

Thursday, December 1st
Ed Sullivan On Acid Comedy Show
The Duplex
61 Christopher St
New York, NY

Sunday, December 11th
Jazz on the Park


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March 2010